Does flirting online count as cheating? Well that depends on a few things. Below you’ll find some insight into when online flirting counts as cheating and when it doesn’t. Then, you’ll find a few important things to consider before chatting up other women, as well as tips on how you can flirt with other women guilt-free.

网上调情算是出轨吗？算不算出轨是有一些衡量标准的。在下文，您将看到被视作出轨与不被视作出轨的情况分析。如此一来，在和除了爱人之外的女人聊天时，您会早些知道有哪些事情需要预先考虑到，另外，怎样才能不带负罪感地和不同的女人调情。

When flirting isn’t cheating 什么时候调情不被视作出轨

One of the most important factors in determining whether or not online flirting counts as cheating is how long you’ve been with the girl you’re dating. If you’ve only been on a date or two then it’s perfectly reasonable for you to chat and flirt with other women. Odds are she’s out there flirting with other guys, too.

网上调情是否要被认作出轨行为，其中一个很重要的判断因素在于你和现任女友交往时间的长短。如果你们只是约会了一两次，那么在网上聊天或者调情完全是正常的。有很大几率，她也在做着相同的事情——和其他男孩调情。

But if you’ve been dating for a while then the girl likely expects some degree of exclusivity. Of course, it can be difficult to tell when you’ve passed that line from “causal dating” to “exclusive relationship”. So the best way to figure out exactly where you stand is to have an open, honest talk. The sooner you can have this conversation and let her know exactly what you want out of your relationship, the better. If she knows from day 1 that you’re going to be flirting with other women during the course of your relationship, then it won’t count as cheating.

但是如果你们的交往已经有些时日了，那么你的女友很可能对你有某种程度的专属期望。当然了，如何界定你们何时已经从“随便谈谈”的关系发展为“专属恋人”的关系是没那么简单的。最好的界定方法是两人一起进行一次公开，诚实的交谈。你越早开始这场谈话并告知她你想退出这场恋爱关系是越好的。如果她一开始就知道在整个恋爱关系中，你有和其他女人调情的打算，那么这也算不上出轨。

When flirting is cheating 什么时候调情会被视作出轨

If the girl you’re dating saw the flirty online conversations you’ve been having, how would she react? Would she feel shocked and hurt? Are you forced to hide these conversations from her to shield her from the pain she’d feel if she found out?

如果你的女朋友看见你和其他人在网上的调情信息，她会作何反应？她会感到震惊和受伤吗？你需要隐瞒这些调情信息避免她发现后感到受到伤害吗？

If that’s the case, then something has got to change. You don’t create strong, healthy relationships by hiding parts of yourself from the girl you’re dating. And letting her assume she’s the only girl receiving your affections when she’s not is a wildly unfair thing to do. Your best option then is to come clean and let her know what’s going on. After all the longer you keep this a secret, the more it’s going to hurt her (and the relationship) when she eventually finds out.

如果是这种情况的话，那么有些东西需要再想想是否要做出改变了。对女朋友隐藏自己的某些部分，用这种方式你是无法缔造一份健康有力的恋爱关系的。而且让她误以为她是唯一的那个接收你的好感和喜欢的女孩也是极不公平的。你最好的举动应该是全盘托出，并且让她知道是怎么一回事。如果你隐藏这个秘密的时间越久，当她渐渐发现这个问题，那么对她的（还有这段关系的）伤害就越大。

Letting her know you’ve been flirting online with other women can be a scary thing to do, but the fear of how she’ll react is often worse than the reaction itself. After all if things have been going well in your relationship she’s likely going to want to find a way to work through this bump in the road. Weeks later, you may find that coming clean about what you’ve been up to and working through this issue may actually make your relationship stronger, and deepen the connection between you.

主动告诉她你在网上和其他女人暧昧可能是一件可怕的事情，但是你害怕她对此事的反应远比此事本身要可怕。毕竟如果在这段恋爱关系中其它一切正常的话，她很可能还是会想办法解决这个小插曲。几个星期以后，你会发现坦白说出来并且努力解决这个问题，实际上会让这段感情更加牢固，加深彼此的感应。

Emotional Cheating 精神出轨

Aside from online flirting there’s another form of cheating that many guys aren’t even aware of, but can be even more devastating to a relationship than flirting or even sleeping with another girl. It’s known as emotional cheating.

除了网上调情之外，其实还有另一种出轨的形式，很多男性对此甚至没有察觉，但是它比暧昧或者肉体出轨对一段感情的毁灭性更大。它就是精神出轨。

Emotional cheating is basically going into deep rapport with another woman – sharing your emotions, your secrets, making yourself vulnerable, etc. This is particularly distressing if you’re sharing these feelings with another woman while withholding them from the girl you’re dating. For example, if you share all the stress and troubles you’re feeling from work with a girl you know online – yet tell your girlfriend everything at work is “fine” – she may see this as “emotional cheating”. The easiest way to avoid hurting your girlfriend this way is to simply open up to her as deeply and authentically as you would to anyone else. That way she won’t feel left out, and is less likely to mind if you open up to other women as well.

精神出轨是指你在和某位(非现任伴侣)女性有着深厚的密切联系——分享你的心情，你的秘密，你的弱点等等。如果你与其它女性分享这些心情的同时，还对自己的女友隐藏这些心事，那这真是一件让人痛心的事情了。比如说，如果你和一位你在网上认识的女孩分享所有工作上的压力和问题，但同时告诉你女友“一切正常”。那么她很可能把这个看作是“精神出轨”。最简单避免伤害你女朋友的方式是打开心扉，真诚地，真实地展现自己，就像你对其它人做的那样。这样一来，她就不会有被遗弃的感觉，同时，也不会那么介意你也向其他女性敞开心扉的事实。

The slippery slope of “harmless flirting” “小调怡情，大暧伤身”？谬论！

It’s easy to brush off online flirting as harmless fun. But harmless online flirting can easily take on a life of its own. It’s usually only a matter of time until you wind up meeting the girl you’ve been flirting with for “a quick drink”. And with all the tension that’s been building between you, it’s easy for that drink to lead to “one little kiss” and eventually “one big mistake”.

把网上调情说成是“无伤大雅的寻开心”很能粉饰太平。但是无伤大雅的网上暧昧极容易失控。从你们网上暧昧到线下见面一起喝一杯只是时间问题。再加上你们之间的吸引力，一杯酒足以把故事导向“一个浅浅一吻”，或者甚至“一个很大的错误”。

If you know getting physical with another girl outside your relationship won’t be tolerated, don’t put yourself in a position where it’d be so easy to cheat (and difficult not to). Your best bet is to cut out the flirting entirely, before you get carried away and do something you regret.

如果你知道在你目前的恋爱关系中，和其他女孩有亲密身体接触是不被允许的，那就不要把你自己置于一个触手可及就能出轨的位置。最好的办法是在你失去自控力并且做出一些自己会后悔的事情之前，彻底终结这段暧昧。

How to flirt without ever cheating 如何不出轨也能暧昧

If you’re in a committed, exclusive relationship but still feel the need to flirt with other women, then it may be time to expand the boundaries of your relationship. Talk with your girl and be honest about the kind of freedom you want, and see if you can work out an arrangement that suits both of you.

如果你身处一段专属的、认真的感情中，但是你仍然觉得需要同其他女人调情。那么，也许此时是扩大情感界限的时候了。和自己的女朋友谈一谈，诚实地面对自己想要的自由，然后再看是不是能够一起制定一个能满足你们两个的协议。

In order to have this talk effectively, there are 3 things you should keep in mind: First, it may take time for her to come around and see this as an acceptable solution. After bringing this idea up, give her time to get comfortable with it. Once she’s had time to think it over, she may feel more at ease.

为了让这场谈话更有意义，有三件事你需要记在心里：第一，对于她，这可能需要时间来接受，看看是否是一个可以接受的选项。提出这个想法后，给她足够的时间去适应。只要她有时间仔细考虑过后，她也许会觉得更自在。

Second, pushing the boundaries of a relationship is a give-and-take. You’ve got to give her the same exact freedom you’re requesting for yourself. Otherwise she may come to resent the lack of balance in your relationship.

第二，拓宽一段恋情的边界的方法是给予和索取。你必须给她同等你索取的自由限度。不然，她很可能会因为这段恋情失去平衡而感到愤恨。

Finally, she may stand firm in her belief that it’s not okay to flirt with women outside the relationship. If that’s the case you’ve got a choice to make. Is flirting with other women a necessary thing for you to have in your relationships? If so, the harsh truth is that you both may be better off moving on. Then you can find a girl who will accept the kind of arrangement you need.

最后，她可能会非常坚定地捍卫她不允许你在恋情之外同其它女人调情的信念。如果是这样的话，你必须做出选择。是否同其它女人暧昧对你而言是必要呢？如果是的，那么分手可能是你们双方必须面对的现实了。之后，你可以找一个和你一样接受这种约定的女孩。

More dating and relationship advice 更多恋爱建议

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Translated by LittleFoxLilia

翻译：小狐狸莉莉娅